of screams, shouts and yells

i thought last night would be enjoyable. i thought...so i thought. i thought my saturday night would be relaxing...so i thought again. once too often thoughts and realities clash which results in "i-wanted-it-this-way" to be "I-DON'T-WANT-THIS-TO-HAPPEN" situation. it's quite depressing to be actually in that situation.

i think it was slightly just after 10 last night where this girl came up here. okay, so she's one of my ex-housemate, so what? i hardly know her, and if not for the ex-housemate status, i'd call her a stranger! back to the point, so she came up at around 10, and i was standing in front of the computer, waiting for some antivirus scan (god knows what infected this pc) and some kinda ad aware thingy (god knows what it is) coz there were some probs with the pc. and here she came, like she's one hella big shot, standing beside me, shouting like a mad bitch at me, and all she wanted was to use the pc for some stupid chinese drama serials.

and so i was being bullied. or something like being bullied. i'm not sure what bullying is, but i'm sure it's someting close to it. once again i've been proven that my emotions get stirred up easily...once again i've been proven that i seldom stand up for myself...once again i've been proven i am lame. so now i'll be proven a minus point for myself. all i can do is i wanted to do this, i wanted to do that but i'll never be able to do it. what the heck? i'll carry on with my wanted to dos.

i wanted to give her one tight slap, but i didn't. i wanted to ask her to leave, but i didn't. i wanted to sit down and pretend nothing happened, continue scanning the pc, yet again, i didn't. here's my rationale...it sounds really stupid, and i know i'll sound pathetic when i read this again, but i didn't want to hurt anyone. i still have to bear with these people for two more years, and i don't want to make anyone annoyed. but ironically, i've been hurt, i've been annoyed.

to get a nice session of screaming and yelling was a real eye opener for me. i now know her true colours. and i'll be annoyed everytime i see her. anger raging through my mind! and it reminded me my weakness, which are my social skills, my emotions...sadly my personality.